Here I am, working on my post and trying to figure out if AI is going to let me live forever or make everyone dead—and someone sends me this Buzzfeed article. There are some things that call for a work stoppage, and this is one of them.

The title of the article is 20 Slightly Incorrect Names For Food. The kind of thing your friend sends you and you click on it and read the title and then you’re just like, “Ahh SCREW. Okay, let’s scroll down through this whole thing now.” So I started scrolling. Let’s discuss (my thoughts in blue)—

1. Milk snakes

PhotoObjects.net / Getty Images

Okay so the author, Joanna Borns, has started off by taking a name of a food and changing one of the words to an unrelated word that happens to rhyme. It’s unrelated, right? Unless she’s suggesting that the straws resemble snakes? But that can’t be what’s happening, right? I’m probably missing something—let’s move to the next one.

2. Cheese quake

Hemera Boris Ryzhkov / Getty Images

Okay so it’s confirmed. Joanna Borns has been commissioned by the biggest website in the world to take normal food and change one word to an unrelated word that happens to rhyme.

Time for a scrolldown to see how many of these there are.

There are 20 of these. Now I’m leaning forward, suddenly fascinated that this is a thing that’s happening.

3. Cinderella steaks

iStockphoto Mark Stout / Getty Images

Interesting. So here, Borns goes a different direction, replacing Mozzarella with Cinderella, presumably because the latter syllables of the two words match.

I’m taking a few seconds here to think hard about this. Is there some big thing I’m missing? Still not sure.

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