If you are a regular follower of Blue Jay Blog, you’ve probably noticed that posts are not always on time. If you wonder why that is the case, let’s delve into the behind-the-scenes chaos that leads to this delay.

Creating content for Blue Jay Blog has turned me into a more obsessive individual than ever before (and I was pretty obsessive to begin with).

The root of this madness is that Blue Jay Blog is a labor of love. I never imagined there could be a job that I would love so deeply. It aligns perfectly with what I want to do and how I want to do it. While this brings me immense joy and gratitude, it also drives me to the brink of insanity—caring for something with such intensity amplifies my perfectionist tendencies and even introduces new facets of obsessiveness I never knew existed. Let’s break it down:

Perfectionism is the primary culprit. I have always been a staunch perfectionist, and Blue Jay Blog amplifies this trait to an extraordinary extent. Writing blog posts is particularly challenging for perfectionists because they can always be improved. I could invest a year in a single post and still find room for enhancement. Creative, subjective projects are the antithesis of a perfectionist’s comfort zone. This trait would have been better suited for a linear, predictable job like accounting where perfectionism could thrive. With creative endeavors like this blog—in which I pour my heart and soul, the battle between my perfectionist nature and the burning desire to produce outstanding work is a constant struggle.

Furthermore, having a significant readership adds immense pressure. While I am grateful for the readership, it also intensifies the pressure in two ways: 1) Knowing the number of readers awaiting the post is both exhilarating and terrifying each week. 2) The fear of disappointing or losing readers due to subpar content intensifies the perfectionist tendencies even more. Striving for an A+ in every post, not just an A or A-, becomes a relentless pursuit. Unfortunately, defining what constitutes an A+ piece is not always clear, leading me to obsess over perfecting posts, sometimes to the point of making them worse.

Operating in this space, where a severe perfectionist is engaged in an open-ended creative project fueled by passion and under immense external pressure, gives rise to the infamous “Monkey” that preys on my vulnerabilities. This Monkey thrives in the realm of impossible perfection and perpetual self-critique.

While traditional procrastination has less room due to the time commitment of each post, the Monkey finds its way through other cunning means. It redirects attention to areas like research and outlining, where I can convince myself I’m being productive, albeit not always efficiently.

Research, despite being enjoyable, can become a bottomless pit. The quest for knowledge is insatiable, leading to endless browser tabs and a perpetual cycle of new information discovery. Outlining, crucial yet challenging, often leaves me stuck in a loop of indecision and perfectionist paralysis.

The interplay between these forces—Perfectionism, the Monkey, and the newly introduced Social Survival Mammoth—prolongs the post creation process beyond necessary timelines.

Amidst this struggle, the Panic Monster emerges as a relentless force, ensuring that posts eventually see the light of day. The fear of letting down loyal readers who anticipate weekly content overrides the perfectionist tendencies, guilt, and self-doubt, ultimately pushing posts to publication.

The weekly battle between perfectionism and external pressures—exacerbated by the Panic Monster—dictates the erratic posting schedule. Despite the unpredictability, transparency about this internal turmoil aims to bridge the gap between reader expectations and author realities.