The Primate Awards
Most Theatrical Primate
Winner: The Sifaka
The Sifaka’s dramatic performances continue, oblivious to the lack of a real audience or stage.
Primate in the Most Despair
Winner: The Colobus
![](https://i0.wp.com/www.bluejayblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/2.png)
The Colobus wins this award, perpetually in a state of despair, unaffected by the recognition.
Primate Who Would Be Most Shocked If You Gave Them a Mirror
Winner: The Mandrill
The Mandrill’s perception of itself clashes with reality, convinced of its normalcy despite clown-like appearances.
Primate With the Most Vacation Days
Winner: The Japanese Macaque
![](https://i0.wp.com/www.bluejayblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/5.png)
The Japanese Macaques have mastered the art of relaxation, often found lounging in hot tubs.
Primate That Could Kind of Pass for an Unattractive, Dumb, Weird-Acting Human
Winner: The Bonobo
![](https://i0.wp.com/www.bluejayblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/6.png)
With their human-like behaviors, Bonobos almost resemble humans, as seen in their casual marshmallow-roasting sessions.
Primate That Would Look Normal Except One Ridiculous Feature Ruins Everything
Joint Winners: The Proboscis Monkey and The Uakari
![](https://i1.wp.com/www.bluejayblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/8.png)
The Uakari’s unusual head stands out, resembling a goblin, making it appear abnormal.
Sassiest Primate
Winner: The Baby Orangutan
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The Baby Orangutan’s cheeky attitude earns it the title of the sassiest primate.
Primate You’d Want Around Your Daughter the Least
Winner: The Patas Monkey
![](https://i1.wp.com/4.bp.blogspot.com/-zWjW2Fq03LQ/UmbS81a3QqI/AAAAAAAAF80/q3HeN2vfo2Q/s400/14.jpeg)
The Patas Monkey’s unsettling appearance deems it the primate least desired near daughters, shrouded in an aura of mystery.
Most Appalled Primate
Winner: The Indri
![](https://i3.wp.com/4.bp.blogspot.com/-zLFIiWrEpTw/UmbS9OD0c5I/AAAAAAAAF9I/_luTIsCLQYc/s640/15.png)
The Indri’s perpetual shock at the world’s state cements its position as the most appalled primate.
Most Artistically Tortured Primate
![](https://i0.wp.com/3.bp.blogspot.com/-v6tP6H3h5nA/UmbTNxlVxBI/AAAAAAAAF_c/8A0I4eI1h9A/s400/16.png)
The Cotton-Top Tamarin’s musical prowess goes unnoticed, unveiling its artistic torment.
Primate With the Most Excessive Face
![](https://i3.wp.com/2.bp.blogspot.com/-gHZl3c7ryAs/UmbTALdci6I/AAAAAAAAF9o/jyFtLUtFW6U/s640/17.png)
The Alpha Male Orangutan’s oversized face, a consequence of mating preferences, secures its victory.
Biggest Disaster of a Primate
![](https://i1.wp.com/4.bp.blogspot.com/-nDNsoQx1Zi4/UmbS91C9EEI/AAAAAAAAF9U/IpJPKTiIVRI/s400/18.jpg)
This specific Alpha Male Orangutan, a double awardee, symbolizes chaos and misfortune.
Most Cartoon-Like Primate
Winner: The Tarsier
The Tarsier’s quirky appearance and behaviors earn it the title of the most cartoon-like primate.
Mafia Boss of the Primates
Surprisingly not the gorilla, but the true mafia boss is revealed to be…
Winner: The Ring-Tailed Lemur
Most Awkward Color Difference Between Parent and Child
Winner: The Silver Langur
The Silver Langur, with its peculiar color variations between generations, stands out within the primate family.
Primate Most Identical to Meryl Streep
Winner: The Lesula Monkey
Researchers were amazed by the Lesula Monkey’s uncanny resemblance to Meryl Streep.
Primate Most Identical to Michael Jackson
Winner: The Snub-Nosed Monkey
![](https://i3.wp.com/4.bp.blogspot.com/-7Br59Dr-Yfk/UmbTMkTPEAI/AAAAAAAAF-0/7nVgebHsxXc/s400/29.jpg)
Primate Most Identical to George W. Bush
Winner: The Macaque
Let’s move on…
Most Embarrassing Primate
Winner: The White-Faced Saki
The White-Faced Saki’s appearance and actions make it the most embarrassing primate among its relatives.
Best Disney Movie Bad Guy Primate
Winner: The Gelada
The Gelada, reminiscent of a classic villain, reigns as the best Disney movie bad guy primate.
Primate Most Going Through a Terrible Struggle that No One Else Understands
Winner: The Aye-Aye
The Aye-Aye seems to be grappling with a mysterious struggle, making it an enigmatic primate best left undisturbed.
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